“Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Gratitude is NOT positive thinking. Positive thinking is, quite frankly, far too shallow to be equal to gratitude. It is a denial of suffering and pain.
Let’s face it. There is a lot of suffering and pain in our world. Things go wrong all the time, every day. Just watch the news a little more than you read Facebook posts and you can see that.
So what is gratitude, then? From the Latin core word “gratus”, it means “thankful” or “pleasing”.
Can we always be thankful and find what is pleasing? I think that the answer is a qualified “yes” if we go deep enough and with enough resolve. But it is not automatic or easy.
I’ve always found it irritating when someone says “Just be thankful this (some other random much worse thing) didn’t happen.” Or the ever-present “Oh, this too shall pass. Look at the bright side.”
I usually say “Yes, it will pass… like a gallstone.”
And, actually that is a lot more honest and thankful, if you think about it. When the thing passes, it does with great pain and suffering, but the lack of pain afterward can bring a real thankfulness and joy!
Some people that I know have suffered greatly in their lives. I won’t dare to give them the “positive lecture.” But I do notice that some become bitter from the pain, and others become thankful and enlightened through it.
Life hurts. Bring the balm of attentiveness and teach gratitude through caring. These in the end are all choices in framing our own narratives.